C5 Hatch

A few years ago, I went on a school trip to Boulogne, France. You know the type where they pack 140 first year senior school children + teachers in to 3 coaches at 3 am so that you catch the Dover 'SEACAT' at 9.00am!

Now, since I was not one of the most popular kids at school I had to make a tactical judgment before we even got on the bus... do I either sit at the back of the bus where I would be able to lark about and occasionally throw things at the teachers pets at the front but at the same time leave myself open for the occasional beating/Chinese burn from the usual suspects? Or, do I sit with near the teachers in the knowledge that even though it will be less fun, I will save myself from having dead arms and therefore be able to eat a real French croissant! Since I like my arms and croissants I chose the latter.

I will skip the trip across and infact what happened whilst we were there since I can only remember that it smelled a tad funny and that you could have croissants with chocolate inside them which was total heaven! (I led a very sheltered life!).

On the way back across on the boat, sorry the 'SEACAT' we encountered a heavy thunder storm, which didn't really bother me or my new friend David that much, but you could tell that some of the other children were really worried. Now being the kind and considerate kids that we were, we took it upon ourselves to wind them up a little more... Saying things like 'Oh no! another engine has been hit by lightening.. or...'Would you like to eat your last meal since you can't swim?' At the time this amused me greatly even whilst god was playing pinball with the waves and the Seacat was the ball! I did not have a hint of sea sickness which is something that cannot be said for the Citroen C5!

I have just driven this car for the first time and it is the first car I have had to get out of it because I was about to see the cheerio's I'd had for breakfast. I was hoping that Citroen would have learnt there lesson with the last C5 when it came to that god awful air suspension, but they haven't, I have been on more stable bouncy castles than this car! It's terrible!!

It's really disappointing because they managed to get the looks and advert so right, with the slogan 'Unmistakably German, Made in France' I honestly thought that Ford had a challenger to the Mondeo, but not after driving it!

Don't get me wrong, you'll love the air suspension if you happen to be a trawler man in the North sea, but you won't like it if the only time you like your earth to move is in the bedroom!

The exterior looks great and lives up to the C5's slogan but I honestly feel that they designed this car from the outside but forgot the rest. For example, it has some neat cubby holes which are completely useless since they don't have the capability to keep things in them as they just fall out if you even hint that you just might look at maybe going round a corner.

I could go on about how good the equipment levels are with things like: Cruise Control, Automatic Air Conditioning, CD Player...etc but this would be irrelevant since you would not be able to get near them through all of the bouncing around you'll be doing if your silly enough to be driving it!

All in all I'd stick with the Mondeo.

Thanks for reading

Stuart McKay